https://ilaudati25.edublogs.org

While reading your essay i believe that it is very well organized and has a clear structure. 

1. You opened with an introduction that presents the argument. Which you then lead to body paragraphs that you did a great job focusing on specific causes and evidence. Than lastly you finished with a closing. When doing your conclusion you coild briefly restate the main point and show more significance to issues. Adding these will connect the start to then end and I belive would make your essay feel more complete. 

2. I believe that you captured the summery accuratly. It captures the main points and you used evidence from the articles. Things that you could go back and fix would be that some sentences restate the same idea about the importance of independent play and its link to mental health. Also you could add some transitioning words to make your essay flow. Last suggestion would be to try and remove filler phrases like “this shows the importance of” because the meaning has already been made clear from the context of the text. 

3. When writing you handled the sources ethically. You gave credit to the auther and at the end of your essay you added a work cited page.

4. When reading I could tell that every paragraph had a clear main idea. The only suggestions I have about that was to just go back and double check that each paragrapgh sticks to one main topic and again maybe adding transition words between paragraphs for a better flow .

5. I Belive that this essay is substantive and thoughtful. It clearly explains the authors arugument and connects evidence to the main claim. Promising ideas to devolop further would be the discussion of community support and outdoor spaces is very strong but you could expand. You could add a couple more sentences explaining how communitiies cnad promate safe independence. Lastly the link between screen time and loss of social skill could be explained more deeply. You could mention how digital play differs from real-life play in development of empathy and communication for children growing up. 

Overall you did a really good job summarizing your essay!!!

In “Decline in Independent Activity as a Cause of Decline in Children’s Mental Well-being: Summary of the Evidence,”authors Peter Gray, David F. Lancy, and David F. Bjorklund argue that a major reason for the rise in children’s mental health problems is the steady loss of independence in their daily lives. Over the past several decades, children have had fewer chances to play freely, explore on their own, or make decisions without adults constantly supervising them. The authors suggest that this decline in independence has had serious effects on kids’ emotional and psychological well-being.

The article is organized into four main parts. First, the authors describe how children’s opportunities for independent activity have greatly decreased over the last 50 to 60 years. They give examples like how children used to walk to school alone, play outside with friends, or take small jobs in their neighborhoods, activities that are now rare. Second, they show evidence that children’s mental health has also declined during this same time period, with growing rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicide among young people. Third, they summarize research showing that when children do get chances for independence. Like exploring outside, solving their own problems, or spending time with friends without adults. They tend to be happier and less stressed. Finally, they explain how independence helps children build important life skills, such as confidence, self-control, and the ability to handle challenges on their own.

The authors support their ideas with a wide range of research. They cite historical data, surveys, and psychological studies to show both the loss of independence and its connection to well-being. For example, they reference studies that track children’s free play and mobility over time, as well as research showing that self-directed play and decision-making help children develop emotional strength and resilience. They also draw on psychological theories such as self-determination theory, which says people need autonomy, competence, and connection to thrive.

The main purpose of the article is to encourage parents, educators, and policymakers to think differently about children’s safety and mental health. Instead of always trying to protect children by restricting their freedom, the authors argue that giving them more independence might actually help them grow into healthier, more confident adults. The article was published in a scientific journal, so it is mainly aimed at professionals who study or work with children, such as psychologists, teachers, and pediatricians. But it also has an important message for parents and the general public.

Overall, Gray, Lancy, and Bjorklund make a strong case that the modern focus on constant supervision and structured activities has unintentionally harmed children’s development. They believe that letting children take small risks, play freely, and make their own choices is essential for building the emotional skills and happiness that many young people are missing today.

For my essay about my relationship starting and ending. My main goal when revising it was to make the story feel more alive and be more emotionally engaging. The feedback that I had received on adding more dialogue and including more details to help the reader understand the events. I agree with this feedback because I realized that my first draft showed the main ideas but didn’t truly show the experience.

For my final draft of my essay I added more descriptive details to certain scenes to. the readers could see my thought process and my emotion during the time. I also showed how me and the boy I wrote about interacted rather than just saying how it happened. These changes I made help the story feel more personal but also flow better.

When reading “The Makers Eyes” the reading showed the importance of rereading and viewing your work through fresh eyes. Which helped me make improvements in my own essay. Each time I reread my essay I notice something new to fix or add which helps improve my writing.

I did not use AI to help with my draft or revision. All of the changes came from the feedback I received. I believe that it would be difficult to use AI for an essay that is about what happened in my life. Due to the fact that I remember details and couldn’t really use AI to sort out what happened.

There were so many people who signed up for winter track. I barely knew anyone but some of my close friends and my younger brother was also doing it. We were split into groups. Sprinters and distance. I joined the distance group. There were so many unfamiliar faces. My brother did cross country that year while I did soccer and they all came over to us. They were all so nice and so willing to become friends. There was this one boy. His name was chace. At first our friendship grew because of how similar we are. We had one of our first track meet at our school and we were there all day. From setting up, to running, to cleaning up. During the season I pulled a muscle in my hip and was not allowed to be running. So I was just there to support the team. I truly feel like we ‘ve really started to become close. That whole meet we just got to know each other. We were cheering on for the team while hanging out with all of our friends. 

After a few weeks I felt like I could talk to him about anything and he would just get me. Our real first conversation was actually about fortnite. We were always joking around at practice about how I was so good at the game and that if we played together I would be the best player. The thing about our friendship was that it was full of jokes and laughs. We would tease each other and it was like we were in a competition to see who could make the other laugh more. After we started texting each other it was like it never ended. I would text him when I needed someone to talk to. He became my best friend. We kept growing closer and closer as we kept running track together. We would see each other at school and go for walks together, at practice we would stretch and run together, meets were spent together, we even hung out with our friends after practice a lot. We were constantly hanging out and somewhere along the line the friendship became something more. All of our friends kept saying how cute we were together and how we should just get together. I always denied it. I truly didn’t think that I had feelings for him.

I would facetime my best friend Lizzy who was also on the track team and she would tell me how he talks about me all time and if I missed practice he always wondered where I was. But every single time any of them mentioned me having feelings I just brushed it off. I went to Lizzy’s house during winter break and her parents asked me about Chace. All I said was how we were friends. The first thing they said was to stop lying. I actually laughed so hard because I truly didn’t know what to think. “We see the way you guys look and act around each other at meets.” I just sat there because maybe they were right. Maybe I was in denial and I was just too scared. They told me to stop being scared and if I did like him to tell him because if not there was no reason for him to keep liking me. When I went home that day I was truly so lost. I didn’t know what to feel or how to even think or act. I was terrified that if I did like him that it would ruin everything. But at the same time i thought if i told him my best friend would become my boyfriend so i told him. 

Telling him was the scariest thing I ever did and I didn’t even mean to do it. It was around New Years when we were snapping back and forth and I sent him a snap saying I liked him. I was truly joking and didn’t mean to actually send it. But he opened it as soon as I sent it so I couldn’t even delete it. He texted me and said “oh so we like me huh?” I couldn’t process what I just did so I denied it. He called me out immediately for lying. But we both talked about our feelings that night. We were in the same friend group and didn’t want to ruin our friendship and that was our biggest concern. Our friendship shifted to more flirty friends. Nothing really changed. We still acted like the same two people as we were before. We just now had feelings for each other. We were still hanging out alone and with our friends just like before. The only difference was now we were talking all day and night long. When we first played fortnite together we facetimed all night. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. We started playing the game around 8pm that day. We kept going back and forth. It was like we were an old married couple. Even after we stopped playing we stayed on the phone and just talked about the most random things. That night we were on the phone till 3am. Every single time we facetimed even if it was for 14 hours or 1 hour it always felt like no time had passed. He was my safe space and a shoulder I knew I could lean on no matter what. For the longest time we just said that we were just friends. 

Until one night we were facetiming and he was asking what we were and how he wanted us to be talking. I was always scared to talk about my feelings but with him I always felt like I could tell him anything and he always knew what to say and how to make me not overthink. We both had feelings for each other and decided that we wanted to take a step and truly be talking to one another. After we officially started talking in January everything moved at a fast pace.  We were always talking and hanging out. He had talked to some of his friends on the track team and when they told me he was talking about me I was so excited. He was the first boy I truly talked to so when we weren’t ashamed or hiding me I was really happy.

In February everything started to change. Our conversations started getting shorter and we were barely talking. I kept trying to ask what was wrong and he kept telling me that he had a lot going on at home. I was just trying to be supportive and tell him I was here for him and if he wanted to talk about anything I would always listen. He never brought it up and I had this gut feeling that there was more. I will never forget the heartache that I went through when I read the text message. “Tbh i just cant have the intentions of dating or talking to someone right now.” That was the first line of the paragraph he sent me. I was confused and felt like I was losing my best friend. After everything that happened I am still forever grateful that he saw me as a person he could come to when he was hurting. I know why he couldn’t commit but I will always wonder why it wasn’t enough for him to try. He gave up on us before we even started. 

Even though he hurt me he will always have a special place in my heart. He taught me that I can love someone with all my heart. If he were to ever come back and tell me he was ready to try again I could jump at the opportunity. But I also have the self-worth and self-love to know that I deserve better and that one day I will meet my person at the same time. I know that if he is truly the right one that faith will bring us together again. To this day I miss my best friend, not the person that I left that day. But the person that I could always talk about anything too. Losing him as a friend was always harder than losing the relationship.

https://natcar26.edublogs.org/2025/09/26/memoir-rough-draft/#comment-4

1.
In paragraph five you explain your pregame ritual with the fake microphone. I belive it seen as funny but also very personal. When you do this do your teammates laugh, chant, or join in?

In paragraph twelve when your in the locker room do you think you can make it more so we are present with you. What did the room sound like? Where the medals heavy? Was their silence after all the crying or did it get loud with chatter? 

2.
All of the paragraphs that you used the time stampted with put me as a reader in the moment, second by second, like we were in a movie. While in the last three paragraphs those were more zoned out. You gave me context and provided a reflection. I believe the summery at the end helped process the meaning of the story. 

3.
After reading this story I believe that it wasnt just about losing the hockey game. It was the bittersweet feeling of a chapter of your life coming to an end.

4.
The essay gives a minute to minute buildup, the game play, aftermath, and the reflection. The events are very clear because of the timestamp structure it makes the story suspenseful. The only suggest that I would recommend is the ending could circle back to the cinderella line from the start to create a full circle moment.

5.
You did a really good job with making the essay personal and emotional. You showed your personality through your writting. The way you styled the essay was like I was going through what you were going through at the same time. Lastly you made the story more than just hockey. You made it about endings, transitions in life, and memories. 

Overall you did a really great job about making your essay personal you didnt leave room for questions. It doesnt seem like anything was left out. Good job!!!!

There were so many people who signed up for winter track. I barely knew anyone but some of my close friends and my younger brother was also doing it. We were split into groups. Sprinters and distance. I joined the distance group. There were so many unfamiliar faces. My brother did cross country that year while I did soccer and they all came over to us. They were all so nice and so willing to become friends. There was this one boy. At first our friendship grew because of how similar we are. He’s the only version of me and I always feel like I can be myself around him. I felt like I could talk to him about anything and he would just get me. Our real first conversation was actually about fortnite. We were always joking around about how I was so good at the game and that if we played together I would be the best one. The thing about our friendship was that it was full of jokes and laughs. We would tease each other and it was like we were in a competition to see who could make the other laugh more. After we started texting each other it was like it never ended. I would text him when I needed someone to talk about my family. He was my person. We kept growing closer and closer as we kept running track together. He was my best friend and all of our friends kept saying how cute we were together but it wasn’t like that. Until it was. 

We were always so hesitant once we both talked about our feelings. We were in the same friend group and didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Our friendship shifted to more flirtation. Nothing really changed. We still acted like the same two people as we were before. We just now had feelings for each other. We were still hanging out alone and with our friends just like before. The only difference was now we were talking all day and night long. When we first played fortnite together we facetimed all night. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. We started playing the game around 8pm that day. We kept going back and forth. It was like we were an old married couple. Even after we stopped playing we stayed on the phone and just talked about the most random things. That night we were on the phone till 3am. Every single time we facetimed even if it was food 14 hours or 1 hour it always felt like no time had passed. He was my safe space and a shoulder I knew I could lean on no matter what. For the longest time we just said that we were just friends. 

Until one night we were facetiming and he was asking what we were and how he wanted us to be talking. I was always scared to talk about my feelings but with him I always felt like I could tell him anything and he always knew what to say and how to make me not overthink. After we officially started talking in January everything moved at a fast pace.  We were always talking and hanging out. He had talked to some of our friends on the track team and when they told me he was talking about me I was so excited. 

In February everything started to change. Our conversations started getting shorter and we were barely talking. I kept trying to ask what was wrong and he kept telling me that he had a lot going on at home. I was just trying to be supportive and tell him I was here for him and if he wanted to talk about anything I would always listen. He never brought it up and I had this gut feeling that there was more. I will never forget the heartache that I went through when I read the text message. “Tbh i just cant have the intentions of dating or talking to someone right now.” That was the first line of the paragraph he sent me. I was confused and felt like I was losing my best friend. After everything that happened I am still forever grateful that he saw me as a person he could come to when he was hurting. I know why he couldn’t commit but I will always wonder why it wasn’t enough for him to try. He gave up on us before we even started. Even though he hurt me he will always have a special place in my heart. He taught me that I can love someone with all my heart. If he were to ever come back and tell me he was ready to try again I could jump at the opportunity. But I also have the self-worth and self-love to know that I deserve  better and that one day I will meet my person at the same time. I know that if he is truly the right one that faith will bring us together again. To this day I miss my bestfriend, not the person that I left that day. But the person that i could always talk about anything too. Losing him as a friend was always harder than losing the relationship.

In this article, Jenelle Boucher reflects on a moment when her mother got an awful haircut at a salon in Shreveport in 1990. This is the moment her daughter believes she loses her looks. The daughter is 13 while the mother is 40. Through the story the haircut becomes a symbol. It’s the turning point on how the daughter sees her mom. Her identity, beauty, aging, and expectations. As this story goes on the mother changing appearance, her struggles, and the reaction of others are shown. The daughter is growing up, striving to look like her mother. Where she will see the imperfections and realities life brings.

Three specific details for this story is the vivid description of the bad haircut. “her hair formed a blonde-streaked bulb, gelled spikes creeping into her face” which shows both the physical and emotional shock that the daughter feels. Next would be the daughter’s inner comparison. The mother used to be a beauty standard for her, a promise that she herself would one day look like her. Lastly is the larger transformation. After the haircut her mother started dressing differently, gets a perm, oversize jewelry. Which resulted in people treating her differently. Causing her daughter’s view of her mother to shift. As she ages she got more confident.

I picked this story because it shows their families story but it also opens bigger questions about identity, aging, and social expectations. I liked the way that the author used sensory details and emotional. When reading you could feel the daughter’s embarrassment, her love, and her confusion. This essay gave me ideas for my own memoir. Like I can chose one vivid incident that seems minor but use it so show a bigger picture.

Some people believe that AI is the same as Calculators. In some ways both of them are tools. If used in the right way they can both be used for learning and making things go by faster. Students use calculators to check answers. While students can also use AI to generate ideas that could improve their writing. At the same time they can be seem as harmful because students could get carried away and just use these two and not actually do the work that is required.

Before calculators students had to perform long equations by hand and would do the work to just finish not to get the answers correct. When calculators became available it simplified the process and allowed students to focus on problem solving and think fully. AI could be used in similar ways. It helps brainstorm ideas, check grammar, summarize sources, and draft essays. Like a calculator it would save time and reduce many errors.

They are seen similar in many ways. They are both seen to saved time, reduce errors, support learning and help with hard topics. Neither of these tools are used on their own. They both require human guidance to do what is asked of them. They have both became a common tool used in daily life.

What is the best genre of music?

ChatGPT response:

Music is a universal language that connects people across cultures and generations. With so many genres to choose from, each offering its own rhythm and style, it can be difficult to decide which is the best. However, pop music stands out as the best genre because of its wide appeal, catchy melodies, and ability to bring people together.

One reason pop is the best genre is its universality. Pop music is designed to reach a broad audience, which is why it often tops charts worldwide. No matter where you are from, there is a good chance you have heard and enjoyed a popular song. This global reach makes pop music something that can unite people across different backgrounds.

Another strength of pop music is its memorable melodies. Pop songs are crafted to be catchy, with rhythms and lyrics that stay in your head long after you hear them. This makes them easy to sing along to and share with friends, creating shared experiences that strengthen social bonds.

Finally, pop music is versatile and adaptable. It often blends elements from other genres, such as rock, hip-hop, or electronic, which keeps it fresh and exciting. Because of this, pop constantly evolves with new trends, ensuring it stays relevant to each new generation.

For its universal popularity, catchy tunes, and constant evolution, pop music is the best genre. It not only entertains but also brings people together in a way few other genres can.

Questions:

I would evaluate the essay by making sure the essay Is clear, structured, and making sure It stays in the # range the teacher wants. It has a clear thesis, three supporting points, and a conclusion. When reading the essay produced by Ai it doesn’t include any personal perspective, specific examples which is usually expected. I believe that submitting the essay exactly as generated by ai would be counted as plagiarism because it isn’t actually your work. If you’re submitting an assignment I believe If you are caught using ai you should be taken accountability for your actions. Ways to make the essay acceptable for submission would be to add your own perspective. Saying why you personally think pop is the best genre. Include examples like specific artists, songs, concerts, things that make your opinion.

Revised portion: I believe that pop music is the best genre because its songs are catchy and hard to forget. Every time I hear songs like Shake it Off by Taylor Swift, As it Was by Harry Styles. Songs like those stick in my had all day. I believe that pop songs are usually very catchy and it makes it enjoyable. I will be in the store and hear a song I know and I will sing along without even realizing.

I see myself as more of a reader than a writer. Ive only wrote due to schoolwork and I did it because I had to. Ive noticed that I am a better writer when I get to choose the topics. Like during my junior year of high school I got to write an essay about something that impacted me in my own life and how I got to grow from that experience. I believe I can be a good writer due to what the topic is. If I’m interested in the topic it is easier for me to write.

After reading the article on “10 Ways to Think about Writing” three points that truly stood out to me was the importance of writing in the means of communication. I believe this because I see writing as allows us to gather our thoughts and experience and make it into writing experiences. Another point that stood out to me was that writing is a process. Sometimes it’s hard to understand a topic and it makes you really question and not want to do an assignment due to not understanding. But if you try doing more research the work load becomes easier. Showing that writing is a process sometimes you can write an essay in one sitting sometimes you need to take a break and look at the bigger picture. The last point that I saw that I believe is important to writing is that writing is a way to learn. Not everything is easy to understand and sometimes it takes more time to understand a topic. It allows you to learn new facts and learn about different subjects.

Something I would like to work on this semester is writing more personal assignments because I believe I do better writings when I am interested in the topic. I feel like in the past if I want interested in the topic I wouldn’t put a lot of effort into the assignment. One other thing I would want to work on is editing my assignments. I believe teachers feedback is very important and when getting it in the past I use to just brush it off but I would like to focus more on doing better on writings to improve myself and my technic.